


Hello Kitty

by robinasnyder



Category: The Avengers (2012)
Genre: F/M, Shockingly not crack, cat!Loki
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-10-07
Updated: 2012-10-09
Packaged: 2017-11-15 19:14:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,322
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/530743
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/robinasnyder/pseuds/robinasnyder
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Odin decides that Loki will not learn from any physical punishment, and instead only fears humiliation. Odin gets creative, and Loki gets a tail and cat ears.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

When Loki returned to Asgard he knew he would be punished. His mind was already filled with the various and sundry tortures that could be wrought upon his body. Compared to what the Chitauri had done, he did not believe that anything Asgard could bring down upon his head could break him anymore. If they wanted remorse they would be disappointed.

Loki thought maybe Odin would have a private sentencing to hide the shame of his failed plans. Instead, the whole court stood to witness. Loki didn't care. If Odin thought Loki would bow his head, then he was sorely mistaken.

"Loki Odinson," Loki's once-father boomed. "You have waged war against two other realms. You have made an alliance with foreign, violent peoples in order to attack a realm who had given you nor any other realm any cause to attack. In exchange for this alliance you offered up Asgardian relics. The charges you face are very dire, my son."

Loki glared. Behind his gag he could say nothing. He could neither confirm the charges nor try to speak in his defense. Of all the things he could take umbrage to was Odin's insistence to keep referring to him as if he were his son. Loki reached for his magic. There wasn't, much he could do… well there was one thing he could do, but he wouldn't allow himself to be blue in front of these people for any reason.

"Heimdal has informed me of your time with the Chitauri, which has informed my decision on your sentence," Odin continued. Loki narrowed his eyes. So Odin would admit that Heimdal had seen him and yet none of them had done anything.

"It is clear that there isn't any physical pain that would sway you. You are too proud to bow to pain, which has left me little choice on how to sentence you," Odin concluded his speech. He rose from the throne and walked to Loki, placing his hand on Loki's shoulders.

"I take from you your magic," Odin said, sadness in his eyes. Loki felt like weight was place on him, heavier and heavier until something snapped. That snap was his magi, and only Odin's hand on his shoulder kept Loki's Asgaurdian image in place. Loki gasped, feeling a searing pain in his head and at his backside.

"You have too much pride, and so I had little choice on what I could take from you," Odin said

Loki's hearing seemed so much better, and he heard what seemed like loud laughter. He turned around to glare at the noise. He caught the sight of something black and furry in his vision. He turned his head but not his body this time, looking down. He felt his breathe catch in his throat when he saw what was unmistakably a black cat's tail. He reached up, touching his head gingerly. Amidst his hair were a pair of soft black cat ears.

* * *

"I thought the point was to keep Loki away from earth," Tony said.

"Odin has asked us for a favor," Fury said. "Thor will be here soon."

"I don't like this," Clint said through gritted teeth. Toy was with Clint. They were both smart enough to understand the value in being owed a favor by Odin, King of Asgard. That didn't mean that they had to like it.

"It doesn't matter," Bruce said. "What does matter is if we'll be able to keep him from destroying New York again."

"I have every assurance that his magic has been taken from him," Fury said.

"And yet he's still Asgardian," Natasha pointed out. "Even without his magic he had no trouble throwing Stark out of a window."

"I have been assured that most of his Asgardian abilities have also been suppressed."

"What qualifies as most?" Bruce asked.

"Everything but his ability to heal quickly," Fury said. The group had a moment for silence as the words sunk in. An enemy who couldn't fight back, but who could heal quickly, in their control? Steve looked the most uncomfortable of the group, but none of them missed the implication: it would be very easy to torture him for information or as retribution.

"I still don't like this," Clint said.

"Well, it doesn't matter what you like Agent Barton. He will be here in-"

There was a very loud clap of thunder and Thor dropped down on the landing, Loki under his arm like a stray animal he'd brought to show his parents. "Friends! It is very good to see you again!" Thor said. He let Loki go, and Loki stayed very purposefully outside while Thor rushed in.

"You've barely been gone long enough for us to miss you, big guy," Tony said. All eyes were on Loki, who stood very still outside, clutching his hands in front of him. "So what, god-punishment over now?"

"Oh no," Thor said. "Father decided that there was little punishment Asgard could give that would affect my brother."

"So he sent him here for us to deal with him?" Tony asked.

Thor looked confused for a minute, looking around at the group like he wasn't sure why they were acting so normally. A sudden very visible realization crossed his face. "Loki!" he called, turning and going to retrieve his brother. He took Loki by the shoulders and physically steered the ex-god into the room.

The change in Loki was obvious, but it took a good moment for the realization of what they were seeing to sink in. Loki, the man who'd led an alien invasion against their planet, stood in front of them looking flustered, unhappy and embarrassed. He hadn't been clasping his hands in front of him when he was outside. In possibly an attempt to keep it from moving freely and very visibly, Loki was tightly clutching the black cat tail that was now part of his body. The fact that it was still twitching just proved it was real.

"I change my mind," Clint said, breaking the tense silence. "I'm totally okay with this." That did it. That was all that was needed to break into their disbelief and have the Avengers rolling on the floor with laughter.

Loki scowled, but that just made it all the more hilarious. His ears had pressed themselves flat to his head, and his tail puffed out. No matter how he schooled his expression the new additions to his body would not allow him to hide how he felt. The most apt analogy any of them could find was that he'd suddenly become a very nervous kitty.

Thor cleared his throat, looking torn between laughter himself and trying to save his brother's dignity (too late for that). "Friends," Thor said, his deep voice carrying over their laughter. "We are very grateful that you have allowed my brother to stay with you to try and repay his debts."

"Yeah, yeah," Tony said, having pulled out his camera and started to take pictures of Cat-Loki. "So, how long is our feline friend going to be here?" That earned him a silent, icy glare from Loki.

"I do not yet know," Thor said. "Father said that Loki must be punished for his crimes, and that he needed time."

"This is the punishment?" Bruce asked, having recovered first. But then his laughter hadn't been as loud in the first place.

"Yes, it is," Thor said. He glanced at Loki with something like worry.

"And how long is this supposed to last?" Clint asked, looking more than a bit smug. He was still more than a little angry over what happened to him.

"Until father feels Loki has been suitably punished." Thor said.

"So, this could last our lifetimes," Natasha said. She'd settled down after Bruce.

Thor looked sad for a moment. "Yes, that is a possibility. Though I hope that the time will be shorter if Loki can work to help repay his debt to your city."

"Is he supposed to help rebuild skyscrapers? I thought that he wouldn't have his magic," Clint said.

"He doesn't," Thor said.

"Hey, he's got healing, we've got injured, we can work something out," Steve piped in. That suggestion was met with a few nods around the table.

"Under supervision," Clint said. The rest nodded at that. Yes, Clint hated Loki, but in his line of work he understood the importance of being able to use aid, even if from a past enemy. It would be petty to allow a personal grievance to get in the way of an actual need.

"Director Fury?" Steve asked. All eyes, excluding Loki who glared past their heads to an opposite wall as he continued to grip tight to his twitching black tail.

"This may be acceptable," Fury said. "The prisoner will be under our supervision at all times."

"Or mine, since you have no interest in allowing him around your state secrets," Tony said.

"Yes," Fury said. "But then two of my best agents will also be on hand to make sure the prisoner stays out of trouble. We've taken the initiative to have rooms set up already."

"Yeah, I remember," Tony said with a scowl. To discover that he'd be housing assassins and prisoners in his home hadn't been the news Tony had heard all week. Fury had asked for a favor, one that Tony owed him for keeping the government off his and Bruce's back.

"Thor, are you going to be staying?" Steve asked. Of the earthly-members of the Avengers team, Steve was the only one not currently taking resident in Stark Tower. Steve could pass as a civilian when in his normal clothes, and he didn't live that far away.

"I will be staying for a time," Thor said. "My father has assured me that Loki will not be able to use his magic, but it is better if I'm around."

"And it wouldn't have anything to do with the scientist I've got tucked away in my tower," Tony said with a smirk. Thor smiled, an uncomplicated and actually happy smile.

"Jane Foster is here?" he asked.

"Well, not at this meeting, or currently in house, but yeah," Tony said. It had been in part Direct Fury's suggestion, since it seemed the girl was going to come help rebuild New York one way or another, and it gave Tony someone who could provide Pepper with girl-talk.

"Then I will stay here as well," Thor claimed.

"Yes, please stay in my home without an invitation," Tony said.

"Thank you, Anthony," Thor said, the sarcasm lost on him completely. Tony rolled his eyes.

"Okay, since that's sorted, can we get everyone put away for the night?" he asked, standing up. "Come on, Thor, and bring Meow Mix with you."

Thor, who clearly didn't know what Meow Mix was, for once had little trouble understanding what Tony wanted from him and steered Loki into the elevator after Tony.

It took them down a few levels to a hallway with a lot of doors. Tony took them to the only room with a key pad, and punched it in. The room itself wasn't so bad, just a bit barren, bed only and connecting bathroom. "There are cameras everywhere, which have live feed to me and to S.H.I.E.L.D. Reinforced walls, new the pass code to get in or out, and a bunch of other security measures. Jarvis."

"Yes, sir," the automated voice said, making Thor jump. Loki didn't jump, but his tail bristled up again.

"Thor, this is Jarvis, my best automated friend. He'll also be monitoring Hello Kitty."

"A pleasure," Thor said, seeming unsure how to address the voice.

"Mine as well," Jarvis said.

"Okay, that's the tour for now, let's get back upstairs before they decide to redecorate," Tony said, turning to go.

"Brother, I will be here if you need anything," Thor said.

"You will be here for your own pleasures," Loki said, his ears flat to his head.

"Someone's bitter," Tony said, smirking. "Hey don't go anywhere. I'd hate to have to tie a bell around your neck." Loki glared at him. Tony chalked it up to humiliation and shock. "Yeah, if you escaped it, pursuing you would give a whole new meaning to chasing tail."

"Your puns leave much to be desired," Loki said.

"Don't worry, we've got all the time in the world for me to improve." Tony said with a wink and walked out with Thor. The door slit shut automatically and locked.

Loki looked around the room, neither moving nor releasing his tail. Even without being able to see them laugh at him, there would always be someone to laugh at his humiliation. Loki grit his teeth, silently congratulating the All-father for his creativity in this punishment.


	2. Chapter 2

“So, your god-boyfriend’s ex-god-ex-brother who tried to take over the world and brainwashed Eric to do it is now living a floor below us?”

“I think Thor likes to think of him as his brother,” Jane said, looking down at her research notes. 

“And he can’t go somewhere else?” Darcy asked. 

“At the moment this is the safest place. Agent Barton assured me of that,” Jane said, still not looking up from her notes. Darcy and she had claimed the top living room when they got back from their little mandatory exile and Darcy-imposed shopping trip for cute umbrellas and rain boots. Darcy had safety stored their loot while Jane had gone to a very impromptu safety briefing. 

“I don’t like it.” 

“I don’t think any one’s very fond of this arrangement.” 

“What’s to keep him from just trying to take over the world again?” 

“Odin took away his powers. He’s like Thor when Thor first arrived.” 

“You mean Thor who was still able to knock out half the police and medical staff in a wing? The guy who was able to break into a S.H.I.E.L.D. and get to the top secret loot simply by barreling through everyone else? Even without his powers?” 

“Well, Loki’s never been as physically strong as his brother,” Jane said. 

“What is he doing here anyway?” Darcy demanded. 

“Something about his punishment. Agent Barton was rather vague on that point,” Jane said. 

“Why aren’t you unhappy about a psychopath living right below us?” 

“Thor seems to think it’ll be safe.” 

“Oh, I forgot, crazy-little brother, means hot-big brother will be around for you to shag.” 

“Shag? Darcy, I thought we agreed no more BBC for you.” 

“I must have missed that memo.” 

“Besides, it’s not just Thor.” 

“Though Thor helps,” Darcy muttered. 

“Darcy, how often am I going to get a chance to work with Dr. Banner, the expert in gamma theory? And Tony Stark, one of the most brilliant inventors in our time?” 

“You mean the expert who turned himself into the jolly green giant? And the guy who’s inventions used to help blow up deserts?” 

“Look, at the moment movement between realms has been limited because of Thor destroying the Bifrost, right? If earth can figure out a way to open a portal to Asguard, think of how thankful Asguard would be, especially if we can help them rebuild their portal? Thor said that rebuilding the Bifrost has been difficult because it’s so old that no one really understands the technology anymore.” 

“So you did get to talk to Thor.” Darcy said with a sly smile. 

Jane blushed. “Briefly, he was headed to talk to his brother.” 

“The psychopath.” 

“Darcy.” 

“Jane, whoever said you weren’t ambitious has never met you,” Darcy said, throwing herself sideways on the sofa and stretching out like a cat in the sunshine. “Is this because you want marry Thor and become queen of Asguard?” 

“This is because this is my life’s work. This is because it’s advantageous to us to have good relations with Asguard. This is because we’re a race of explorers. A new age of prosperity and research came when we launched the space program. Think of what can be done when we figure out a way to start walking between realms. What if these places have ways to cure cancer, or clean energy? Think about the history and what we can learn. Thor said that what they call magic is just our science but much more advanced? This of what there is to learn. The first step is to build this bridge between worlds.” 

Darcy rolled her eyes. “You just want to have your name in the history book with Galileo and Christopher Columbus.” 

Jane smiled. “There’s nothing wrong with that.” 

“How about the fact that your head is so up in the stars that you’re forgetting that we’ve got a terrorist living right under our feet?” 

“Darcy, if it really worries you, you can go back to school. You’re still not done with your degree and helping me out has nothing to do with the social sciences.” 

Darcy scowled a bit. “Maybe you’re not the only one who’s ambitious Jane.” 

“I know, and what would I do without you?” Jane asked with a kind smile. Somewhere during the conversation she’d looked up from her notes and given her full attention to her assistant. 

What could she say? She didn’t actually need Darcy. Stark or S.H.I.E.L.D. could provide her the assistant who would actually know the area Jane was studying. Still, Jane felt incredible affection for the younger girl. When Jane was moments away from screaming in frustration Darcy would make a sarcastic comment that would have Jane laughing out loud. Darcy, with her quirky personality and easy-going nature acted as a pressure valve for Jane. Jane might not need Darcy for her research, but she found the girl had become an invaluable asset and friend. 

“Probably be banging Thor right now,” Darcy said. “Totally not jealous, by the way.” 

“Yes, completely not jealous,” Jane said, laughing some. She knew Darcy would be at least some jealous, but she wasn’t the type to hold onto that jealousy, or to feel spiteful because of it. 

“No, don’t get me wrong. It’s great that you’re about to be the Galileo of the 21st century and that you’ve got the God of Thunder falling all over himself in love with you. Because you know what I got? I got a job where I to get to make coffee for important people.” 

Jane smiled, hearing the laughter in Darcy’s voice. “There’s another god here now, if you’d like to have your own.” 

“Ew? You may date outside your species, but there’s no way you’re dragging me down that road. Especially not with the guy who banged, and gave birth to, a horse.” 

“I’m sure that’s not real,” Jane said. 

“What about the story of Thor in a wedding dress?” Darcy asked. They’d both taken a crash course in Norse Mythology after Thor left. 

“I hope that’s real,” Jane said, and the two of them broke into giggles. 

“Jane Foster!” Thor boomed as the elevator doors slid open. He looked happy, but tired. “Hard at work once again.” Jane was sitting curled up in one of Stark’s arm chairs with her laptop balanced on her legs. 

“Not exactly,” Darcy said. 

“Then what exactly?” Thor asked, looking a touch confused.

“Discussing you in a wedding dress.” 

“Is it a Midgardian custom for the groom to wear the dress?” Thor asked, confused. 

Jane and Darcy laughed. “No, we’re talking about our old myths. Clearly they aren’t all true, or many of them.” 

“Like what?” Thor asked, swaggering over to them like only the god of thunder could. 

“Like your brother having given birth to a wide and varying range of animals,” Darcy said. 

“What?” Thor asked, sitting next to Darcy because it was also the closest seat to Jane. 

“See,” Jane said. “Told you they weren’t true.” She turned to Thor and smiled. “They’re just human ideas. They’re based on you all, but they aren’t real, clearly. If they were, your father and brother would be Jotuns and your brother would be your uncle.” 

“My brother is a Jotun,” Thor said, looking concerned. 

“Really?” Darcy asked, sitting up. “What are they like?” 

“Monstrous, large and violent,” Thor said. “Though… Loki is quiet small for a frost giant, and I do not believe he is monstrous.” 

“Violent though,” Darcy said. 

“My brother is confused. I hope that if he can spend time around humans as I have that maybe he will be able to sort through his problems.” 

“You really care about him,” Jane said, her smile sad. Thor looked very tired for a moment, and both women realized that he’d been just hiding it before. 

“I do not know how much good I do him,” Thor confided in them, his shoulders slumping. “Father’s punishment is very… well, it is not harsh exactly, but it is very exact in the pain it causes my brother. And it has been decided that he will help to clean up the city, which is right. But I fear what him being scene as he is now will do to him.” 

“As he is now?” Jane asked. She closed her computer and reached out, placing her hand on Thor’s arm in concern. 

“As has… um…” Thor trailed off. He raise his hands, making the hand motions for triangles over his head. “And a tail.” 

“Triangles and a tail?” Darcy asked. 

“Ears, like a black domesticated feline,” Thor said. Darcy burst into laughter and even Jane giggled a bit. “It is not funny,” Thor said. Darcy laughed harder. “Okay, maybe it is a bit funny, but it is very painful for Loki, I can tell.” 

“So wait, your father made your brother into a walking furry?” Darcy asked. “Oh man, I have to see this and post pictures on the internet.” 

“Darcy Lewis, I ask that you do not. I do not want to cause my brother any more humiliation,” Thor pleaded, though his tone was firm. 

“Thor, if he’s going to be out in the city, people will see and take videos anyway,” Darcy pointed out. 

“Yes, but I believe it will be better for my brother if it is not my friends who spread his shame anymore. He may actually take to some of you if he does not feel so threatened. So, please do not do as you had planned.” 

Darcy sighed dramatically. “Okay fine, but there goes my ambition to have a viral video… say, how do you know about videos and the internet now?” 

“I do not know of them very well, but I believe Anthony Stark had a similar plan earlier, and it was explained to me then.” 

“Spoil sports,” Darcy pouted, crossing her arms over her chest.

“Anyway, my small friend, are you still assisting Jane in her work. I believe you said that it was temporary.” 

“Was, being the operative word,” Darcy said. “Besides, how often do you get to assist in great scientific discovery?” she asked, smiling at Jane who blushed at the praise she knew it was. Thor beamed as well, clearly proud of his beloved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh man, I love Ambitious!Smart!Jane so much. I’m so sick of her just being whiny and weak in all the fanfiction I read. She is said to be doing great things, but it’s all discussed off screen which is very frustrating. She’s described as boring and normal and not interesting, but I really love the Jane/Thor pairing, and while Darcy/Loki is my improbable OTP, I really love Jane/Thor and want to give them both the time they deserve. 
> 
> I also want to say about Jane’s ambitions. I’m thinking about the 18th and 19th century when everyone wrote diaries and letters and saved everything, especially during the revolutionary war because they knew it would be important later. The founders had a real sense of how important they were going to be. I like the idea of Jane being the same. She’s not bragging, she’s just being very honest about who she is and what she knows.
> 
> Also, while I love Darcy/Loki, I dislike how easily they seem to fall into each other in other fics. I also dislike how much of a hold-out Jane often is. I want to try and go against all the things I dislike. Besides, why would I write something I don’t enjoy? 
> 
> More Loki next chapter. Right now I’m sick and just happy that I got this much done! If it’s short I’ll also post more. Be happy.


	3. Chapter 3

Darcy was something of a PB&J purist. You got your creamy Jiff spread, Smuckers grape jelly, both on Wonderbread, cut vertically down the middle with the peanut butter side down. Living in Stark Tower meant that you had to compromise. 

She could put up with the overpriced multi-grain bread that Pepper picked to try and help Tony stay healthy. She could deal with the preserves instead of jelly (Tony’s choice) because in some ways getting a big bite full of cherries was a different type of good from sweet old grape jelly. She could deal with having to have two cuts (vertical and horizontal) because the bread was so big it was like eating two sandwiches at once. 

But the one thing Darcy would not do was eat the crappy organic peanut butter. Peanut butter that had an oil layer and a spread layer was not something she wanted out of life. That was why she’d gone out to the store that afternoon. That was also why she was currently commandeering the kitchen for herself. Not that commandeering the kitchen was particularly difficult. 

Tony didn’t cook, and though he ate well, it was normally outsourced to some trainer or someone else. Pepper would cook, but generally only dinner, and just occasionally. Agents Barton and Romanov would eat only when necessary and would get in and out very quickly. Jane and Darcy took turns in the kitchen, but again, generally in the evening. Darcy didn’t know what Thor in god-mode ate. 

For now none of that mattered because Darcy had the kitchen to herself. She spread a large amount of creamy Jiff across the too big bread. Then came the cherry preserves. Okay, so it was a PB&P, and not a PB&J, but she could survive so long as there was Jiff to spread. 

“Some people like grape jelly, some people like apple jelly, but the kind of jelly that I want in my belly is petroleum jelly,” Darcy sang, dancing as she liberally spread the preserves over her bread. 

“What is this petroleum jelly?” Thor asked, making Darcy jump. She hadn’t expected someone as large as Thor to be able to sneak up on her, especially when she was dancing to her renditions of embarrassing kid songs. “Is it very good?” 

“No, Thor, it’s not,” Darcy said, going for complete seriousness in an attempt to cover her embarrassment. 

“That coffee was very good,” Thor said. 

“Uh, yeah, I mean it is,” Darcy said, glancing around. “Do you need something?” 

“My brother isn’t eating. He won’t eat midgardian food. I’m trying to find something he’ll eat. He’s supposed to help with the healing tomorrow and he’ll waste away if he’s only using his magic and not taking in sustenance,” Thor said. 

“Hungry strike, interesting,” Darcy said. “Well, I don’t know how to help you Thor.” Thor looked a bit crestfallen and Darcy just felt so bad for him that she felt the need to say something else. Her mistake. “What have you tried so far?” 

“Pop tarts,” Thor said. “Anthony suggested something called Pizza. I quiet liked it, but Loki wouldn’t touch it. And then Anthony suggested something called a hamburger and a hot dog,” Thor said. “And they were also good once he told me what they were, but Loki wouldn’t try them.” 

“Have you been watching him eat?” Darcy asked. She didn’t want someone to just go in and stare at her while she ate. 

“No, I brought a meal as well, but he would not eat.” 

“Have you thought maybe he just won’t eat with you around?” Darcy suggested. 

“I do not know what else to do,” Thor said. “I do not like leaving him alone all day.” 

“Are you afraid he’ll try something?” Darcy asked. If Thor was worried about him, then maybe she could quietly pass that news up the line and get the crazy murderous alien sent elsewhere.

“No, he cannot. I am afraid of what he will do to himself if he is left alone. I do not want him to think that I have abandoned him. Jane has suggested this might have been the problem in the first place. I do not want him to think that I do not want him.” 

“Yeah,” Darcy said, thinking back to her own family and friend. Aliens or not, gods or not, family was family. “You think maybe you’re smothering him a bit?” 

“He and breathe fine,” Thor said. 

“No, I mean that whenever I got in trouble at home I wouldn’t want to be around my parents no matter how nice they were being about it, or how much they were doing it for my own good, or how much they were right. Hell, especially if they were right.” 

“I do not want to leave him alone,” Thor said. It was easy to play Thor as the stupid one. He wasn’t a genius like Dr. Banner, or Tony Stark. He didn’t have a manipulative brilliance like Black Widow or his brother. He didn’t have a tactical military mind like Hawkeye or Captain America. Thor didn’t understand humanity very well and he missed a lot of jokes and his English was very archaic. But Thor wasn’t stupid. 

“Well, sorry,” Darcy said, unsure of what to say. More that she could see Thor’s brain working under all that blond hair and she did not want to be a part of it. She turned back to her sandwich, putting the peanut butter side on before flipping it over so it was PB side down. She grabbed her knife, making the two cuts needed before separating the slices and pouring a heaping helping of salted tortilla chips in the middle of the plate. 

“This meal, is it good?” Thor asked. 

She knew absolutely the worst thing to say if she wanted to make it out that room, but still the words came tumbling out of her mouth. “It’s my favorite.” 

“It must be very good then,” Thor said. “My little friend, would you do me a favor?” he asked. Darcy wondered who had taught him the phrase ‘do me a favor’. Whoever it was, she wanted to kill them. 

“What do you want?” Darcy asked. 

“You said that my brother would not like my being around so much. Would you make him this as well and go eat with him? I promise he will not harm you, but it would… what were the words Jane used? Ah, ease my mind. It would ease my mind, if you would do me this favor.” 

“Ugh, right in the feels,” Darcy said, grabbing her chest. Thor looked confused again, but he’d turned on his puppy eyes full force and Darcy had not been immunized against puppyeyetis. “Fine, fine, but no more favors for at least a year,” she said. 

“I agree to your terms,” Thor said with a smile. “Thank you, Darcy Lewis,” he said and walked out. 

Darcy grumbled and looked at her perfect plate before sighing. She grabbed more bread and started to work. She might hate Loki with the white hot heat of a thousand suns, but she still made the sandwich perfect because she was a PB&J purist that even applied to PB&Ps for alien psychopaths. She didn’t sprinkle quiet as many tortilla chips, though. 

“Hey, Jarvis, where is there a tray big enough for two plate and two frescas?” 

“The third bottom cabinet from your left foot,” Jarvis said. 

“Thanks, old son,” Darcy said, getting out said tray before going to claim the frescas. She considered not giving Loki one, getting him water or something, but he probably wouldn’t drink because he’d think she’d poisoned it or something. Good thing about sealed food was that it remained sealed. 

She took her tray to the elevator. “Jarvis, can you get me in the room, or get someone who knows the key code to let me in?” 

“Thor has already directed me to let you in,” Jarvis said. 

“I don’t like that he’d learning to use technology faster than me,” Darcy grumped. 

“Duly noted miss,” Jarvis said. Darcy grinned. She liked the AI a lot. 

The door opened for Darcy as soon as she arrived and closed the second she was inside. She noted very quickly how sparsely decorated the room was. She also noted the ex-god on the bed with the black cat tail clutched in his hands and the black ears pressed to his head as a sign of fear. 

She very dutifully put the tray down before bursting into laughter. His tail puffed up, which just made it all the more hilarious. “Can I start singing the meow mix theme without you trying to strangle me?” she asked. The answer was clearly no, but she still chuckled to herself. She doubted he even knew what meow mix was. “Lunch time Sylvester,” she said, taking his plate and risking dismemberment to place it directly in the ex-gods laps. She held up the fresco can, but he only glared at it. 

“Take it. It’s cold, not lethal,” she said with exasperation. He did take it, but glared to show his displeasure. 

“What kind of new torments are you mortals trying to visit upon me?” Loki asked, eyeing the food. Darcy had a sudden mental image of him sniffing it like a kitty before she started to giggle again. 

“No torments, Thor’s emotional blackmail for the win, though,” Darcy said. Loki clearly didn’t get all of the words, but he had no trouble with the meaning. 

“Another S.H.I.E.L.D. agent to spy on me?” 

“No, a poli-sci major with an unfinished degree for a chance to serve coffee to brilliant scientists, you know, every girl’s dream,” she said, popping her soda open and taking a sip. “Thor will probably want me to say that he lubs you very very much, and that he’s sorry you’ve been turned into a pound purry and he hopes you’ll eat so you don’t die of starvation before you die of embaressment.” 

“I doubt he would say that in so many words,” Loki said, looking at the plate she’d dumped in his lap. 

“Peanut butter and Jelly, an American traditional dish, made by yours truly. You don’t want to be an ungrateful guest and insult your hosts do you?” Darcy asked with a grin. 

“Yes,” Loki said. He poked at the sandwich, making a disgusted face when he suddenly had PB&P on his fingers. 

“Just lick it off,” Darcy said before taking a bite out of her own. 

Loki look disgusted at the idea. “Thank you, but no,” he said, putting his hand down so it hovered over the plate but didn’t touch anything. 

“Fine, more for me then,” Darcy said. She didn’t know what made her do it. Surely it wasn’t spur of the moment because she’d had to set her plate down on his bed and take a big gulp of fresco before she could eve say it. But she suddenly reached out, grabbing his hand and bending over. His lover long fingers were suddenly in her mouth. Well, she’d already started so she might as well commit to the role. She stated carefully licking his fingers clean in a way that was clearly dirty. 

Loki didn’t blush. He did look confused, and only consented to talk again once she’d relinquished his fingers and offered him a napkin to wipe her saliva off his fingers. “Is that a normal midgardian mating ritual?” 

Darcy snorted, nearly sending fresca through her nose. It was her turn to need napkins and her nose burned. And he looked so smug too. “You total bastard,” she said, wiping her mouth and nose. 

“Truly,” Loki said, but there was something far off in his look. 

“Look,” Darcy said, trying to break the tension. “Just eat it will you, because it tastes good and you’re probably hungry. I mean hell, Thor nearly ate us out of house and home when he got drop kicked out of Olympus.” 

“You may have noticed I am not Thor,” Loki said. Still he carefully picked up the sandwich in the napkin and took a bite. 

“Yeah, I’m aware that you’re not Simon the God of Hairdos,” she said. 

Loki nearly choked. “Excuse me?” he asked. “Would you mind repeating that,” he said. He reached over and took her fresco from her, taking a sip from it to rinse down the peanut butter. 

“Simon the God of Hairdos,” Darcy said, smirking because even though he’d stolen her drink she just grabbed his and popped it open. More for her. “I guess that makes you Jeff the God of Biscuits.” 

“Is it a midgardian tradition to be incomprehensible, or is this something you have picked up from the man of iron?” 

“I’m Tony Stark’s sarcasm protégé,” Darcy said, eating her sandwich. “It’s good right?” 

“It’s acceptable,” Loki said, but Darcy noticed that he hadn’t stopped eating. 

“Or you just really a very hungry, hungry hippo,” she said. He clearly didn’t get it, but he also didn’t ask. “So, how is tomorrow going to go? Is Tony going to get you a little bell collar and a leash? Though leashes are more a dog than a cat thing.” 

“I doubt he would do that,” Loki said. 

“I wouldn’t say that to Tony, he’ll take it as a dare.” 

“Not if he wants me to do anything tomorrow,” Loki said. 

“Oh, game,” Darcy said, finishing her sandwich and starting on her chips. “You know, as much as I hate your living guts and think someone should throw you off the top of Stark tower just to watch you become kitty splat, you’re not bad company.” 

“And as annoying and incomprehensible as you are, you are a far cry less annoying than Thor,” Loki said. 

“Ouch, burn,” Darcy said. She dumped the rest of her chips on his plate, making him wrinkle his nose. “Now stop being such a bad kitty,” she said. She set her new soda down on the floor and stood up. She stretched up and let out a loud yawn. For all intents and purposes it looked like she was leaving, and she was in a minute, but even having to forsake a can of goo fresco would be worth what she was about to do. 

She reached out, grabbing onto his ears with her fingers. He froze completely, which told her just how sensitive they were. On a whim she started to scratch behind his ears. To her complete joy he started purring loudly. He jerked away, looking horrified. Darcy had a moment to step backwards before he lunged to grab her. All he ended up doing was covering himself with fresca. 

“Jarvis, door, now!” Darcy shouted as she cackled and sped out. That was so totally worth it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> eah, so my head-Darcy has a tumblr, okay? She just embodies tumblr.

**Author's Note:**

> **A/N: This idea came to me while I was at AWA. I saw a woman dressed as Cat-Loki, and she'd clutch the tail whenever someone took her picture. This was _supposed_ to be crack. Hopefully this won't be too-too long.**
> 
> **Notes on characters: My goal is to not make Odin or Fury of Clint into assholes just because this is a Loki story. Odin seemed perfectly flawed, but in Loki-based fics he's often portrayed as a terrible person, which really bothers me because these stories reduce wonderfully complicated characters to very basic things. Basically I'm trying to avoid things I hate in fics.**
> 
> **Also, Loki is a terrorist, let's be honest. Depending on whatever body count there was, it's possible that he would have been the most effective terrorist in US history. Loki's wonderfully interesting, but he's not a good guy, in fact he really should be hated by the world that he lives in.**
> 
> **Loki/Darcy is seriously my OTP, like my first ever. Normally I just go with the flow, but I prefer cannon. So Jane/Thor and Pepper/Tony is also a thing. Since in cannon Natasha/Clint isn't always cannon I'll let you all make up your mind on that one for this, but I'm not going to take a stance.**


End file.
